When Couples Talk Money Magic Happens: With Adam Kol
Today, Ed is joined by Adam Kol, The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or tension to clarity, peace of mind, and teamwork.
Adam brings experience as a Certified Mediator, Tax Attorney, and Financial Advisor to his financial counseling for couples. He graduated from Duke Law and has a Master’s in Tax Law from NYU. He also hosts the Couples Financial Coach Podcast.
In this conversation, Adam breaks down his process for determining where a couple is on their journey to a healthier shared relationship with money, and then getting them to the point where every discussion around money feels safe and inviting.
His goal with every couple he counsels is threefold: to change how they see themselves, to change how they see their partner, and to change how they see their relationship.
The key to seeing these changes comes down to developing a greater understanding of self and other. Adam encourages couples to create the space to be vulnerable and imperfect with each other, all while taking care to not blame one another for any money-related issue.
In other words, it all it starts with taking 100% responsibility for our words and actions.
Finally, Adam also shares that, despite differences in financial backgrounds or cultural attitudes toward money, the most important thing that couples can do to heal their relationship with money is to share with each other, and listen intently.
- Making money conversations feel safe and inviting between partners (04:50)
- Men, money, and overcoming unconscious biases (10:28)
- The negativity bias (19:47)
- Money and trauma (24:31)
- Taking 100% responsibility for your words and actions (30:10)
- Complementing each other in your shared money relationship (38:22)
- Counseling couples in cross-class marriages or with different financial backgrounds (45:14)
- Key takeaways (52:18)
Healthy Love and Money Resources:
- Healthy Love and Money Website
- The Couples Guide to Financial Intimacy
- Healthy Love and Money Facebook
- Healthy Love and Money Instagram
- Healthy Love and Money LinkedIn
- The Healthy Love & Money Way: How the Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being (book)
- Stop Fighting & Start Talking: Gaining Peace and Perspective on Family Finances (book)