Couples and Goals: Why Shared Financial Planning Isn’t Just About the Numbers

What Are You Really Planning For?

When couples begin financial planning, they usually bring a list of to-dos: pay off the student loans, save for a kitchen remodel, or finally take that bucket list trip to Italy. These are all external goals—tangible things money can buy or make happen. And while they matter deeply, they’re only one part of the full picture.

At Healthy Love & Money, we believe that great financial planning helps couples align not only on the what, but on the why—and even more importantly, on the how they want to feel and relate along the way.

So let’s explore the three layers of goals every couple can benefit from identifying: external, internal, and relational.

1. External Goals: The Money Milestones

These are often the easiest to identify and discuss. They’re concrete, measurable, and driven by the life you want to live together. Common external goals include:

• Buying a new home or vacation property

• Saving for children’s college education

• Planning for retirement

• Funding big travel dreams

• Updating the bathroom (or the whole house)

• Paying off debt

• Building an investment portfolio

• Creating a legacy for future generations

These goals are important—but on their own, they don’t tell the whole story. That’s where internal and relational goals come in.

2. Internal Goals: The Psychological Payoff

Behind every external goal is usually a deeper, more emotional reason for why it matters. These are the internal goals—the psychological experiences you’re seeking through your financial life.

Here are some examples:

• Feeling more peace of mind around money

• Experiencing a greater sense of freedom in how you spend your time

• Having the confidence to take new career risks

• Being able to dream again, instead of constantly grinding

• Feeling expansive instead of anxious when you think about the future

• Knowing that you’re being intentional, not reactive, with your finances

These internal goals are often unspoken or unclear at first—but when couples surface them together, the motivation to stick to a financial plan becomes stronger and more meaningful.

3. Relational Goals: The Heart of Shared Financial Life

This is where financial intimacy really takes root. Relational goals are about how you want to be together as a couple around money—not just what you want to achieve.

Here are some powerful relational goals couples often long for:

• Spending less time in conflict and more time in emotional connection

• Feeling seen, heard, and understood when talking about money

• Making financial decisions as a team, not adversaries

• Building trust that each partner is contributing in meaningful ways—even if the contributions look different

• Creating rituals of money communication, like monthly money dates

• Feeling respected in your financial values and dreams

• Being able to repair quickly after disagreements about spending or saving

• Experiencing money as a source of shared purpose, not stress

These relational goals may not show up on a spreadsheet—but they shape the emotional tone of every financial decision you make together.

Why This Framework Matters

When couples only focus on external goals, they often miss the deeper connection and personal growth that money can facilitate. And when internal and relational goals go unspoken, resentment, misalignment, and disconnection can quietly build.

By identifying all three types of goals—external, internal, and relational—you’re laying the groundwork for a more connected, fulfilling, and sustainable financial life together.

Where to Begin

• Take 30 minutes this week and write down 2–3 goals in each category: one external, one internal, and one relational.

• Share your lists with each other—and more importantly, talk about why each goal matters to you.

• Consider how these goals reflect your values, your hopes, and the kind of life you want to co-create.

Final Thought: It’s About More Than the Numbers

Yes, financial planning is about building wealth and reaching milestones. But it’s also about how you grow—individually and together—along the way. At Healthy Love & Money, we help couples move beyond the spreadsheet to create a financial life rooted in empathy, understanding, and shared purpose.

Ready to Align Your Goals and Grow Together?
Whether you’re dreaming big, craving more peace of mind, or hoping to feel more connected around money—Healthy Love & Money is here to support your journey. Our Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™ process helps couples move from financial tension to deeper financial intimacy.

💬 Book a free 30-minute consultation to explore how we can support your shared goals—externally, internally, and relationally.
👉 Schedule Your Consultation Now

Wishing You Healthy Love and Money
Ed Coambs - Founder