What to Do When One Partner Wants Financial Therapy and the Other Doesn’t

You finally worked up the courage to bring it up:
"Hey… I've been thinking about doing financial therapy together."
Cue the long pause.
Your partner looks at you sideways and says, "Why? Are we that bad off?"
Or maybe it’s: "Sounds expensive."
Or the classic: "We’re doing fine. Why dredge all this up?"

Sound familiar?

If you’re the one in the relationship feeling curious—or even desperate—for a better way to navigate money with your partner, this blog is for you. It can feel lonely, frustrating, and confusing when you want to take a step forward together, and your partner is holding back.

At Healthy Love & Money, we see this all the time. One partner is ready to dig in, while the other is unsure, overwhelmed, or even skeptical. Here’s the truth: that doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you’re human.

So let’s talk about how to move forward when you and your partner aren’t on the same page—yet.

Why One Partner Might Hesitate

Money is never just about dollars and cents. It’s about safety, control, freedom, identity, family history, success, and even love.

When someone resists financial therapy, it’s rarely because they don’t care. More often, they’re protecting something—consciously or not.

They may fear:

• Being blamed or shamed for past decisions

• Losing control over financial choices

• Feeling emotionally exposed

• Opening up old wounds from their family of origin

• Or they may simply be overwhelmed and afraid it will make things worse

These are real concerns. And we don’t dismiss them. In fact, part of what makes financial therapy powerful is that we honor those fears while gently exploring what’s underneath.

You’re Not the “Good One” and They’re Not the “Bad One”

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “If they would just do this with me, things would finally get better.”

But here's the deal: Financial therapy isn’t about good guys and bad guys. There are no villains here—just two people who love each other and are doing their best with the tools they’ve been handed.

We’ve worked with couples from all walks of life: high earners, entrepreneurs, doctors, teachers, stay-at-home parents, and second-marriage pairs. The one thing they all have in common? They’re not broken, they’re just stuck.

What we offer is a safe place to get unstuck, together.

Conversation Prompts to Invite (Not Pressure) Your Partner

If your partner is hesitant, try inviting them into a gentle, open-hearted conversation. Here are a few prompts to get you started:

• “Can I share something that’s been on my mind, and I’d love to hear your honest thoughts?”

• “I’ve been learning about financial therapy—it’s not about blame or fixing anyone, but more about understanding ourselves better. Would you be open to learning more about it with me?”

• “I’m not trying to change you—I’m hoping we can grow together in how we handle money and stress as a team.”

• “What are your biggest hesitations about talking to someone about our finances? I really want to understand.”

• “Would you be open to just one conversation with the therapist to see what it’s like—no pressure to commit beyond that?”

The goal isn’t to persuade or pressure. It’s to connect. To understand each other’s inner world just a little more deeply.

Helping Your Partner Feel Safe

Here’s how to set the stage for a successful invitation:

• Use “I” language, not “you” language. ("I want us to feel more connected around money" vs. "You never want to talk about money.")

• Avoid springing it on them in a stressful moment. Choose a calm, unhurried time.

• Reassure them that there is no agenda to force change or dig up dirt. This is about building something together.

• Mention that Healthy Love & Money’s work is rooted in empathy, emotional safety, and collaboration. We don’t play the blame game. We help people listen and understand.

Try This Together: A Low-Stakes First Step

If booking an appointment feels like too much for your partner, here’s a simple step you can try together:

🌀 Listen to a podcast or read a blog post from Healthy Love & Money and ask:

“What part of this feels true to you?”
“Is there anything in this that doesn’t sit right?”

Sometimes, starting with a shared experience (rather than jumping into therapy) can soften the resistance.

You can also explore a short, no-pressure introductory call. You don’t have to bare your soul—just meet us and see if it feels like a fit.

Final Thoughts: You're Not Alone

It’s incredibly brave to want to improve your relationship with money and your partner. But you don’t have to do it alone.

Even if your partner isn’t ready yet, your intention, patience, and commitment to a healthier financial future together will bear fruit in time.

We’re here to support you—whether you’re taking the first step alone or walking in together.

Ready When You Are

When you're ready to explore how financial therapy can help your relationship, schedule your introductory call here. We'll meet you both exactly where you are.