What Is Secure Attachment?

attachment style secure attachment style Apr 18, 2021
secure attachment style

The secure attachment style is characterized by being able to trust others while also trusting oneself enough not to need constant reassurance from others.

You know what your boundaries are and generally don't worry about whether someone else will cross them unless you've given them permission to.

How a Secure Attachment Style Develops

A secure attachment style develops when a child is raised in an environment where they feel loved and cared for by their parent or earliest caregiver.

A mother's responsiveness to an infant during its first year of life tends to be one of the biggest determinations of secure attachment. Inconsistent response leads to anxious attachment, a rejecting response tends to lead toward avoidant attachment This means that the parent is available to provide comfort when needed, but also allow their children space so as not to smother or suffocate the child.

A child feels comfortable forming trusting bonds with others and doesn't worry about being abandoned or rejected because of their relationship with their parent or earliest caregivers.

Children with a secure style tend to be less disruptive, more empathetic, more mature, and less aggressive later in life than the other attachment styles. This style generally has a positive relationship with mental health. 

Signs of a Secure Attachment Style in Adults

A person with a secure style feels comfortable forming trusting bonds with others and doesn't worry about being abandoned or rejected. They don't feel the need to cling to people in their life.

They know and deeply understand personal autonomy and that other people have their own lives.

They do not feel threatened by others' independence like those with an anxious attachment style. They also don't pull back due to others' desires for closeness (like those with an avoidant attachment style).

People with secure attachment tend to have good self-esteem and view both themselves and others, positively.

Secure Attachment Styles in Relationships

A person with a secure style generally has trusting and loving relationships. They are able to form an bond with others and they don't worry about being abandoned or rejected by their partner.

They feel comfortable letting go of people in their life, but also know that if someone were ever gone for a period of time then it's not because there is something wrong between them.

They have the ability to be independent and have a sense of self-worth outside of their romantic relationships. They are able to be vulnerable and show their true selves without fear that they will not get the love or support from others in return, because that love is already present within them. This results in more emotional intimacy and emotional closeness with their romantic partner. 

They are also more likely than others with other styles, such as anxious or avoidant types of attachments (see below), to be able and willing--to share their feelings and thoughts openly without fear that they will not get what is needed in return. This benefits the communication within their romantic relationships. 

The secure style has been shown to have the most satisfying and stable relationships.

secure attachment styles in relationships

Secure Attachment Style at Work

The secure style tends to enjoy their work most of the time. They have a balanced perception of work seeing it as important, but not everything.

People with this type tend towards being more cooperative and collaborative.

A secure style is also beneficial in the workplace because it leads people towards being better at handling conflict without feeling threatened or attacked by others. They are able to work through disagreements with other coworkers making them a good team player.

They are also more willing to share their ideas with others, which can lead them towards being better leaders.

Bosses with a secure style tend to be more supportive and nurturing, which can lead to more productivity from their employees.

People with a secure style tend to be more productive in the workplace because they are less likely than others, such as those who have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, for example)to worry about what other people think of them.

They are able to balance work demands and other commitments.

Secure Attachment and Parenting

People with a secure style tend to make great parents.

They are more likely to be able to provide a stable and nurturing environment for their children.

They also tend not to have as many parenting problems because they approach parenting situations with emotional intelligence.

They respond to the emotions of their children with empathy and understanding. This helps them be more patient with their children.

They encourage their children to be independent and to explore the world around them. However, they are also good at setting boundaries for their child so that they explore within an appropriate context.

The parent with the secure style is also likely to have healthy relationships with their own parents.

Secure Attachment Styles and Finances

People with a secure style are more likely to be financially stable.

They have a better understanding of their own finances which helps them make good decisions about money management.

The person with a secure style normally knows exactly what's going on with their financial situation because they are not avoiding it.

They also do not act impulsively or reactively with their finances.

Money conversations with their partner are also more likely to be productive.

The person with a secure style is less prone to making financial mistakes, such as not saving enough or overspending on impulse purchases. This is because they are better able and willing at managing their finances in the long-term rather than just focusing on short-term impulses and desires.

They are also less likely to equate their net-worth with their self-worth.


Secure Attachment - Relationships with the Other Types

Someone with a secure style is more likely to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with their partner. They are also less prone to being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

Someone with a secure tyle makes a good partner for someone with an insecure attachment style because they are able to give others independence and freedom as well as support.

This is great for someone with an anxious attachment style because they are able to provide the reassurance that is needed. It's also helpful for someone with an avoidant attachment style because they are able to give them the space they need.
Someone with a secure style can also make good partners to someone who has a disorganized attachment style because they are able to provide the stability that is needed for that person's fluctuation between needing reassurance and space.

In conclusion, the secure attachment style is the easiest attachment style to have. This type has the most satisfying relationships, financial and work-life, and parenting. They are able to provide support for others while maintaining their independence and boundaries.

Would you like more 1 on 1 support on navigating both of your attachment styles and it's impact on your financial lives? Then perhaps Therapy Informed Financial Planning is for the two of you. I invite you to schedule your free 30-minute discovery call today.

Wishing You Healthy Love and Money,

Ed Coambs


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