In my previous posts, we have covered the family-of-origin and how they influence your money stories, how these stories contribute to money fights, and how these fights do not have to be normal inside your marriage or relationships (even if culture may have us believing otherwise). We also touched on how everyone can use the Family Money Tree to identify their money stories, whether single or in a relationship, plus the benefits of doing so.
In this post, I would like to talk more about money fights. When these fights occur between partners, it can cause real pain and damage to relationships. These fights lead to anger, frustration, and disappointment in yourself or the person you are fighting with. Emotions can run high, and things can be said that are hurtful. It is important to learn to find a way to understand the stories and emotions you each have around money, then create a shared plan to move forward. Forward to the place where you have goals and dreams that are comfortable to you both and lead to a place of financial wellbeing.
How Can the Money Tree Stop Money Fights?
As partners, you want to support the other person. You love them and respect them, and you do not want to see them in pain or suffering. While you are quick to defend them to others, when it is a money fight you find yourself on opposite sides. When you believe your thoughts related to money are right, and theirs are wrong, you will invalidate their ideas while believing yours are correct. You believe the way of handling money is right, while theirs is wrong. To learn to work together and create shared beliefs, you need to understand each other and where these stories come from. The way to do that is to complete The Money Tree course. A tool used to work out why you each believe as you do.
When you reach that place of understanding, there will still be difficult conversations, and the occasional money fight yet the ‘whys’ (what’s driving your emotions or beliefs around money) are clear, and you will be able to discuss your differences more comfortably and respectfully. This leads to a stronger relationship and finding empathy for your partner and their views. Together, you then can work to develop shared beliefs, goals, and dreams that you both can be comfortable with. Finding this common ground will put you on a path to reach healthier financial wellness, a place that is comfortable and attainable for you with a future you can both look forward to.
The Resources Available to You and Your Partner
The good news is you are not in this alone. There are steps to take on your own, like The Money Tree course or the free video, The Family Factor that helps you to understand your family-of-origin and how it impacts your current money beliefs and behaviors. These courses will help you both to begin to understand each other’s deep-rooted money beliefs. It will open you to new conversations that will lead to financial empathy which will move you towards shared money values.
This may not be enough to stop the fights and get you on that shared path, but it’s still a good place to begin. From there, t financial therapists, counselors, financial planners, and many other options are available for additional help. These professionals are there to guide you on your journey to a place of financial wellbeing and the bright future you are looking for. I invite you to take these first steps towards a brighter financial future.
Join our email list to receive the latest blogs and subscriber-only updates from our team.